BEST FRIEND

When I was first told by my parents that I would become an elder sister, I felt my heart fill itself with the utmost happiness. Excitement ran through my veins, and I fell into an endless daydream of how my future would look with a best friend by my side. Soon enough, the day arrived when my brother entered this world. Every single aspect of him was endearing and every person that was given the opportunity to meet him had made it well known.

Nothing had seemed to raise concern for my family until a few years later. My parents had noticed some things that were particularly unusual concerning his behavior. He would not look into any one of our eyes, despite how hard we had tried by calling his name. He did not articulate a single word and had mainly kept to himself. It was difficult for him to remain in one place for a period of time.

My parents made the ultimate decision for my brother to be screened and assessed by a healthcare professional. It was then revealed that my younger brother received an Autism and Attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder diagnosis.

The concerns and fear that my parents harbored became true, and they had fallen into denial and distraught. I was too young to understand what these diagnoses meant on a deeper level, but it frightened me. It frightened me because of the way that it had changed my family entirely. It frightened me so much to the point that I began to distance myself from my own brother. My body would shudder in embarrassment when his behavior was not considered “normal.” I would turn away when he drew attention to himself from others in a public space. I felt helpless knowing that there was nothing else I could do to help my family besides watching my parents’ hearts shatter each time that they tried to help my brother.

The attention shifted significantly to my brother. I understood why this had to be. However, I still grew a little resentful of my parents at times for not being as present as I wished them to be when I felt lost and needed help too. A vast amount of pressure had been placed on me to be the best role model for my brother, which only led me to conceal the challenges I had. I grew most resentful of the circumstances that my brother was placed in with no warning and believed that the destiny of my family would be the equivalent of an inevitable catastrophe.

Over time, I grew accustomed to the feelings and changes my family had to endure to accept my brother and for what reality held for us. Somewhere along this time, the pain I endured led me to grow courage to express what pulled at my heartstrings the most. And when I grew old enough to discuss more serious conversational topics, my parents slowly began to let me into the space that they had kept away from me for all those years.

My heart shattered when they revealed that they felt like they had not only failed as parents for my brother, but for me as well. There is no universal guide for being a parent, let alone navigating such a novel situation at this time. They had never failed us, nor had it ever been their fault. They were learning as much as they could to become the most supportive parents that they could be.

It was then I realized that all those times they had kept me at a distance, it was because they were protecting me. They were protecting me from the additional ache they had experienced as well. They had always been there for me, and it was I who let the pain create the distance between myself and them. It was then that I began to minimize this space and began to prioritize the person who needed the most support and protection of all—my brother.

Throughout the years, my parents and I slowly learned to take a step back from the present moment to reflect and evaluate what is necessary to set realistic expectations that would not result in complete dissatisfaction. Our perspective shifted from placing an incredibly large focus on my brother’s challenges to also addressing his strengths. And rather than dwelling on the fantasy of what could have been or what was out of our control, we focused on what we could control: enriching his life to the best of our ability.

The birth of my brother forced me to finally put down the familiar rose-colored glasses that I always wore as a child. When I put these down, I was able to see a different world. I was able to see his abilities.

I was able to see my brother the way that he is.

The person who swipes my camera to take pictures of my family in our happiest moments. The person who finds joy in motorcycle rides with my father. The person who always asks my mother if I have eaten a meal before he does himself. The person who is open to trying out new things, even when they seem scary.

The person who called me his best friend.

My family continues to enrich my brother’s life to the best of our ability, whether that is in the form of creating new memories or just simply being there for him. Not only this, but his existence has enriched our lives as well. Our intentions have shifted, our values have strengthened, and our perspective has changed for the better. And after reaching out for support, we learned of more families that face similar circumstances as well. Throughout the conditions we face and awareness rising throughout the years, we are reminded that we are not alone on this journey.

Cultivating a strong support system influenced a positive change within myself, where I became more open to speak about my experiences with not only my loved ones but with others as well. This guided me to enter a professional field where I do have the ability to provide additional support for those who need it the most.

Shifting my perspective helped me let go of the pieces of resentment that once resided within my heart. I faced the painful circumstances to overcome the discomfort I had once felt. I learned to grow acceptance in the deepest roots of my heart, and I hope one day that this world could too.

My best friend had always been there all along. It just took a change of heart to make my childhood dream come true.